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How many times must my heart be broken over FSJ?

First came the outing that shook my world. I was convinced it would be the end of Fake Steve, but hallelujah…he came back, and the blogging was better than ever. Calling Jonathan Schwartz “My Little Pony,” Steve Ballmer “Uncle Fester” and “Monkey Boy,” writing about Larry Ellison’s “Rat Patrol” adventures at the Tenderloin would certainly get any other technology writer Dooced. But with Forbes behind the blog, there was no stopping Fake Steve. Here’s an awesome post on Why Dell Will Never Bounce Back, post-FSJ Outing. Then, on the same blog, there came Fake Larry Ellison and most recently, Fake Jerry Yang.

He stopped blogging for a while again, then came back as Real Dan.  The posting was more sporadic but hey, I’ll take what I can get.

And now this. Real Dan is quitting blogging over a couple of yanked posts. Can’t blame him, I would definitely hate to get Dooced over a couple of posts.  But I already miss Dan’s candid commentary on the world of technology and the business that revolves around it.

So long, Fake Steve and Real Dan…hope you come back…in the meantime, here’s my little collection, Best of Fake Steve.

My Lunch With Fester (Pastrami! Pastrami! Pastrami!)

Regarding My Management Style (Never let people know where people stand…keep them guessing)

John Doerr’s New Company (Why would you want to name a company…)

The Day the World Changed

I could’ve voted by mail or voted early in the morning but instead I left work early yesterday so that I can take my sons with me to the polls.

A naturalized American citizen, I voted in a presidential election for the first time in 2004. Sure, it was a big deal, in the yay-I-finally-have-the-right-to-vote kind of way, but not big enough of a deal to drag my children out in the cold. I’d also have to admit that I was voting out of anger at the current president for things my children were too young to comprehend at the time.

But yesterday was different. As important as voting was to me, it was more important that my sons were there with me.

We went over the names in the ballot. I didn’t want to emphasize race or gender so I didn’t even mention it to them, but as I read the names to my children, I knew how historic that moment was. Among the names we read were those of an African-American man and a woman.

We voted for Obama.

We went over the propositions and bond measures. Roads and bridges, improvements to schools…they don’t just come out of thin air. Mommy has to pay for them. I voted yes on a few.

We went over Proposition 8.  I’d have to admit, it was difficult to talk about homosexuality to my 7 and 8-year-old sons without one of them cracking a joke. One of them said “it’s weird for two guys to be together as a couple.” I agreed, yes, they might find that weird because we don’t know a lot of gay couples, but it’s not for us to decide who people can love and get married to. We voted no.

Below: my 8-year-old son Jacob and myself, behind the booth. Photo courtesy of my 7-year-old son David.

So it looks like I’m going to lose my bet, even more so now with this G-Phone about to be released tomorrow. 

But my god. Just when I thought nothing can rival the Kindle in the category of fugly devices, looks like someone did it.

I’m speechless. 

Please see the previous post about what happened to my iPhone. Basically, about two hours after 2.1 was installed, my iPhone crashed. State of the iPhone 3G at the time of crash: 

1) Plugged into iTunes on MacBook Pro. 

2) Playing a track from iPhone’s iPod. 

3) Fully charged. 

I pressed the power button to reboot. Apple logo appeared, then black, blank screen. 

I disconnected from MacBook Pro. Reconnected. 

Apple logo appeared. iTunes detected the iPhone. About 10 seconds later, iPhone starts vibrating in a way that I can only describe as seizure-like. Pulsating, I guess. It stops. Then…silence. iPhone screen is blank. No iPhone icon on iTunes. 

Did the steps as prescribed here, but the same thing happens, down to the iTantrums.

Repeated several times, and this is what finally worked:

1) If your iPhone is connected to iTunes, disconnect. 

2) Hold down power and home button at the same time. 

3) Once you see the Apple logo, let go of the power button but keep holding the home button.

4) While holding down the home button, connect your iPhone to iTunes.

5) See if iTunes will detect the iPhone in Recovery Mode. Let go of the home button once you see the option. You must act quickly as you have a short window of opportunity to do this. See screen shot below.

6) If you see this, go back to step 1. 

7) Repeat until it gives you the option to restore to your backup. It took me three tries to get it right.

Update: My iPhone was restored but without any of my apps.

Seriously. iPhone 3G. This is not funny. And you know I love you. But I think we’re about to have our first lovers’ quarrel.

iPhone 3G…people mocked me when I stood in line for you. They asked me why I was abandoning First Gen iPhone for you. You weren’t that much better, they said. But no. I stood in line for you under the hot Stanford sun. I braved the first day installation chaos when everyone was crying iPocalypse. Not to mention you were still married to  AT&T.

I defended you when people said I deserved better. I didn’t mind. I’d deal with it. They said you were flakey. You dropped too many calls. You were moody — you crashed on apps for no apparent reason. You switched between EDGE and 3G for reasons I still don’t understand. But I stuck with you because I was in love with you. 

Today, I waited up for 2.1. I patiently downloaded as soon as it was available. I sat through the long, excruciating backup because you promised me better battery life, fewer dropped calls, among other things. You said things would be better from now on. 

So I installed 2.1 and now…you decided to shut down on me while I am using you as an iPod. An iPod, for crying out loud. I wasn’t asking you to play me a song on Pandora, or broadcast my location on Loopt, or tell the world of my undying love for you on Twitter. No. I was using you as an iPod, listening to “Cure for the Pain.” Was that really too much to ask for? 

Still, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I held down your reset button. You’d come around, I thought. When you didn’t respond, I plugged you in. My MacBook Pro responded to you, and you gave me a glimmer of hope when you showed me your logo. But then you started having these iSeizures. You were vibrating uncontrollably as if you were having a tantrum. 

And then…silence. 

You’re gone. 

I’m sorry. I deserve better than this. 

My first gen iPhone never treated me like this. And I left him for you. How could you do this to me? All I ever did was love you, your flaws and all. 

I don’t know what to do, iPhone 3G. You really broke my heart this time.

It’s the eve of September 9th and well…I am having trouble sleeping, anticipating what iProducts will be announced tomorrow. 

While I don’t really need another iGadget, I do have some things that I would like to see tomorrow. 

1) iPhone firmware update. Cut and paste, please? BTW my iPhone’s been iScrewed since the last update. Everything is slow, most especially text messaging, which irritates me to no end. 

2) Apple Tablet – I don’t need it and I really don’t want one, but I figured they better come up with it now just to shut up everyone who has been predicting this. 

3) Tethering support for the iPhone. Not that I need this, but again, so people can shut up already about how you can’t do it on the iPhone.

4) Flash support for the iPhone. Wishful thinking, I know. 

5) I know someone who wants landscape text messaging. I have no idea why, but ok, let’s include it here.

6) Dear Leader addressing his health.

Bullet points. 

I’m still alive. And well. I think. 

Feeling crappy about being left out of the Chrome party. Powered up the PC yesterday just to test drive the darn thing. Ok so it was worth it. But man. Do I really need another browser to worry about, whether my stuff would work on it or not…One browser to rule them all…who will win? 

As for me, I’m sticking with Safari on Mac, Firefox on Windows, and unfortunately, IE just to make sure it works.

For someone who insists she doesn’t gamble, I sure do make a lot of bets. Among the “sure things” I bet on this year (and lost), the latest is probably going to be the most humiliating of all. 

I made a bet against Android and it seems I am about to lose. Yeah, I know. Who bets against the Big G, right?

In a cubicle farm somewhere, someone is Photoshopping an image of me and Steve Ballmer, or me and Bill Gates, to be used as a Facebook profile picture for a week. Me and MONKEY BOY! OMG. Somebody shoot me now. Or better yet, someone expose a huge security issue on the Android SDK and/or Android Market that will prevent it from going live by December 1?

December 2 is fine.

Kthxbai.